Cycling in a skirt

One life, some bicycles. A million possibilities, zero clue!

The Crap Bike Christmas Carol

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Back in 2017 I published this post, reflecting on the disintegration of life and bicycles. 3 years on and it seems entirely appropriate to shamelessly resurrect it. So here it is: – The Crap Bike Christmas Carol.

Something mechanical now going wrong on pretty much every ride and on every bike. Some things are small, some are more fundamental. I think the bikes are all trying to tell me that a bit of tender, loving care is in order before the New Year. So, as I work my way through the patience of some friendly mechanics and my bank balance, let me bring to you the following (literal) mechanical breakdown shamelessly set to the tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas. *Please allow liberties with wording, meter and bike parts.

The Crap Bike Christmas Carol

On the first day of Christmas my bicycle broke on me, from a chain that was very dirty.

On the second day of Christmas my bicycle broke on me from, 2 buckled wheels and a chain that was very dirty.

On the third day of Christmas my bicycle broke on me from, 3 snapped spokes, 2 buckled wheels and a chain that was very dirty.

On the fourth day of Christmas my bicycle broke on me from, 4 groaning gussets, 3 snapped spokes, 2 buckled wheels and a chain that was very dirty.

On the fifth day of Christmas my bicycle broke on me from 5 worn chain-rings, 4 groaning gussets, 3 snapped spokes, 2 buckled wheels and a chain that was very dirty.

On the sixth day of Christmas my bicycle broke on me from, 6 nipples seizing, 5 old chain-rings, 4 groaning gussets, 3 snapped spokes, 2 buckled wheels and a chain that was very dirty.

On the seventh day of Christmas my bicycle broke on me from, 7 cotters cracking, 6 nipples seizing, 5 old chain-rings, 4 groaning gussets, 3 snapped spokes, 2 buckled wheels and a chain that was very dirty.

On the eighth day of Christmas my bicycle broke on me from, 8 bearings binding, 7 cotters cracking, 6 nipples seizing, 5 old chain-rings, 4 groaning gussets, 3 snapped spokes, 2 buckled wheels and a chain that was very dirty.

On the ninth day of Christmas my bicycle broke on me from, 9 wingnuts warping, 8 bearings binding, 7 cotters cracking, 6 nipples seizing, 5 old chain-rings, 4 groaning gussets, 3 snapped spokes, 2 buckled wheels and a chain that was very dirty.

On the tenth day of Christmas my bicycle broke on me from, 10 gears a grinding, 9 wingnuts warping, 8 bearings binding, 7 cotters cracking, 6 nipples seizing, 5 old chain-rings, 4 groaning gussets, 3 snapped spokes, 2 buckled wheels and a chain that was very dirty.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my bicycle broke on me from, 11 lock-rings locking, 10 gears a grinding, 9 wingnuts warping, 8 bearings binding, 7 cotters cracking, 6 nipples seizing, 5 old chain-rings, 4 groaning gussets, 3 snapped spokes, 2 buckled wheels and a chain that was very dirty.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my bicycle broke on me. So I scrapped it and just decided to walk!

Merry Christmas one and all.

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If you enjoy reading about adventuring, travel, cycling or all 3 why not check out my book: How To Cycle Canada the Wrong Way.

Capture

It’s the story of a forty-something woman with no clue in life and no cycle touring experience. What she does have is a sense of adventure, a second hand bicycle and a skirt and the idea of riding across Canada….the wrong way.

Available on Amazon in e-reader and paperback formats.

Author: cycling in a skirt

A forty-something, journeying through life on two wheels. Possessor of limited common sense and practical ability, but full of a passion for adventure, life and bicycles. Writing about the highs and lows of cycling, cycle touring, skirts, silliness and the daily struggle not to grow up and be responsible.

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